Our nation, is currently in the middle of a health pandemic--COVID-19 (Coronavirus). I think it is important to discuss this, as I know there are many people out in the world that are in a state of panic about this virus and what it means. My heart goes out to anyone who has had this virus, and especially those whose lives have been lost (or family members who have lost a loved one due to this). Many "normal" people are experiencing anxiety about what this outbreak will bring over the next several months. For those of us with OCD or anxiety, our already anxious state of mind is probably going further into overdrive. I don't know if this virus has been detected where you live. For me, we have about 12 confirmed cases in the next city over from where I live (but these are the two biggest cities in Nebraska, so many people go back and forth daily commuting). Nothing has been confirmed here in my city (of almost 300,000 people) yet, but today we just found out that our public school system will be closing next week, while they develop a plan that may possibly include instituting remote learning for the remainder of the semester. I have been looking on Amazon daily for supplies such as paper towels, soap, hand sanitizer, and masks, many of which can not be found. An N95 respirator is nowhere to be found, unless you want to pay $50 for a single use disposable mask on Amazon. The nitrile gloves that I buy for myself (for daily food handling, and cleaning--a very valuable, yet taken for granted item) were out of stock through my normal vendor and I had to pay a much higher price somewhere else. I have looked at online medical supply stores for surgical/procedure masks, and every single one of those items is on backorder, probably not available for 1-2 months. I went to get groceries 3 days ago and the shelves were pretty well stocked, other than bottled water which there was only one case left that I snatched. My mother went to the same store today and said she had never seen anything like it in her life. Almost every shelf (at a huge chain grocery store) was emptied of food. Entire freezer sections, canned goods etc. Completely sold out. PANIC BUYING from people. I have read articles about hospitals where patients are stealing boxes of masks and medical supplies. My own medical clinic I work for is now rationing out masks to the nurses, saying that they have to re-use them for several days, because eventually they are going to run out. This isn't even sanitary on any level. I am so thankful I am able to work from home, as there is literally no way I would be able to mentally deal with that. My husband is now working from home for his company, and they will be re-assessing the situation every 2 weeks to determine when their employees can come back to work. I don't do well at all with my husband at home all the time, so this is going to be a huge source of added stress. Amazon Prime has been my best friend these past 2 weeks, as I've been buying "big items" to have shipped to me (paper towels specifically), so that when I go to the store I have more room in my cart for food. I've been cleaning out my pantry and fridge, trying to create good space and organizing well to accommodate all the extras. My goal is to have enough on hand that we could all be in the house for 4 weeks without leaving. Period. And then just 1 N95 respirator that I could wear to do another stock up when that ran out. But for now, I'm really trying to just carry on with business as usual. I'm honestly not too worried about the illness itself coming here, but that is changing with all the constant news posts and social media. I think my local community is being very diligent, as well as the whole U.S. in trying to defeat this virus. Trying to be proactive, to stop the spread immediately. Of course all of this happens right in the middle of flu season. I normally have a lot of issues anyway during flu season. My usual pattern is to grocery shop every 1-2 weeks, and make no unnecessary appointments until flu season is done. Over the past few weeks, I have had to make the decision of being out and about in flu season more in order to stock up for a bigger threat...Coronavirus. I have made multiple trips to the store, stocking up on food and supplies. This is only out of caution and wanting to be prepared, should it start popping up in my community. Because if it does pop up in my town, I know at that point I would just want to stay home. At that point, I would panic if I did not have the supplies/food at home. One thing that I personally am very anxious about is how long this pandemic will last. I typically do very poorly, as I said, through the winter months, due to a combination of Seasonal Affective Disorder, lack of sun, and struggling mentally through the flu season as I worry through that every year until it has passed. When April hits, I usually do a big turn and my mood shifts. I feel more positive, I get out more after being cooped up, and the sun finally comes out. I had put in a request with my job and am (still) planning on working very minimal hours this summer. I had lots of plans to go all sorts of places this summer, even possibly a couple of vacations. Mostly I just wanted to relax and be able to go wherever we wanted to go any given day. The threat of this Coronavirus and how problematic it could potentially get over the months, has been very depressing to think about. To think about being cooped up inside the entire summer, and worrying about this constantly over what should be fun summer months, has been very depressing.
To touch on all of the rapidly emerging closings and cancellations across the country: schools, concerts, church, sporting events (basketball, College world series, Masters tournaments), Disneyworld, Disneyland. People being encouraged to work from home if at all possible. Travel bans. There has been word that the summer Olympics maybe postponed as well. Now we are even starting to see movie theaters shut down, as well as gyms and daycares. Restaurants are closing down for dine-in purposes, and people are only being allowed take out. Fast food restaurants are only offering drive thru services. Restaurant delivery services are offering "no contact deliveries" where they will just set your food on your driveway for you. Nursing homes are not allowing any visitors (even family) into their facilities. It seems like the world is slowly shutting down and people are being encouraged to practice social distancing when out in public. The governor of my state has just issued restrictions on all public gatherings be 10 or less people. This means weddings and funerals will be held to this standard. This is so frightening, and so sad. This is enough to evoke fear in anyone! Most of us have never seen anything like this in our lives. I think a lot of this fear generates from the fact that the effects of this new virus are unknown. It is uncertainty to it's highest extent. And what is the thing that amps up our anxiety/OCD....you got it, uncertainty!
I have been reading so many posts/articles on social media, and people's responses are varying in high degrees with their fear regarding this virus. For many people, it is business as usual. Three of my neighbors went on vacations this week, as it is Spring break here for schools this week. Two families traveled by plane. One even went on a cruise! You couldn't even pay me a million dollars right now to get on a plane or cruise ship in light of what is going on. Some people are exercising a rational degree of caution, which I honestly think is the healthiest approach. Not panic buying, but being careful and making preparations. Then there are people who really are making changes (big changes!). One of the news stations in my city posted a question on their Facebook page, asking how the concern over Coronavirus has affected their every day life, and here are some of the comments that people made: I want to go buy bulk in everything I use, I'm pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling them (I saw that multiple times, and trust me I've had that exact thought myself), I'm going to start wiping down my steering wheel, door handles, maybe I should start wiping my phone off when I get home from work, I don't want to eat at restaurants anymore, I'm only stepping out of my house to let my dogs out, I started using sanitizer after I signed for packages delivered to my door, I started washing my hands more. These were all things that people said even before we started having restrictions (which just started over the past week). The thing is that with many of these things, those of us with OCD do them anyway. It is part of our normal routine. We disinfect as we go, we clean, we wipe, we fear that everything is contaminated. The rest of the world is starting to act like we do. And that is scary in a way, because it further escalates the fear that this really is something to panic about! I think pandemics like this can actually cause people to develop OCD. I sure know it did for me. My OCD flipped on to a whole new level with germs when H1N1 came out in 2009. To further illustrate my point, one lady on Facebook said that she had started decontaminating herself after being out in public, since the Coronavirus started. She puts a towel over her carseat, so she doesn't contaminate her carseat. Then she takes it off the seat, brings it inside, strips out of her clothes, keeps everything in the laundry room, and heads straight to the shower. Now, I don't even do that with OCD. But the fear of this virus and the fear or this woman getting it, she developed a ritual that she thought might keep her safe. So, I do think this is OCD possibly developing, and this is really sad. In other ways, to see people's changed behavior--it's almost refreshing?? Is that even the right word? To see other people actually concerned about hygiene, and to feel like I fit in a little bit more, and maybe some of the things I do aren't so irrational to others now. If I wanted to wear a mask in public, I certainly wouldn't be the only one. To see others whipping out their hand sanitizer, Clorox wiping their steering wheels, wiping down their phone. To see restaurants wiping down their menus, their door handles. To see others concerned and wanting to make sure other people stay home when they're sick. To see so much soap being bought, that you know that people actually have to be washing their hands. To see people practicing "social distancing" and learning the importance of staying 6 feet away from other people to help prevent illness. To think that this is a new concept for many people, although for us with OCD it is daily way of life. To see/hear countless reminders about "covering your cough" and feeling hopeful that finally some people are going to understand the importance of this, not just with Coronavirus, but with colds/flu in general. It almost gives me a sense of security in a weird way, knowing that the world is trying to be cleaner, and hoping that maybe, just maybe, these new habits will stick for a lot of people. It's weird to see these behaviors, as they make us more comfortable, and without the Coronavirus (and it's added threats), this is really the kind of ideal clean world we would want to live in. How much easier would it be for us to function in a world where every single person became obsessed with cleanliness? But it would also be a sad world, because then truly everyone would be dealing with OCD, and I would never wish that upon anyone.
One big change that I have noticed is that for the first time really ever with my husband, I have seen him washing his hands more, not wanting to eat out, staying home and not going to events that he normally would. So obviously he is concerned about this. I've tried to explain to him that this is how OCD feels every day in life. Every day for those of us with OCD is a struggle about "what if" something is out there, "what if" something is contaminated, "what if" I come into contact with someone that is sick. But now, with COVID-19 out there, the "what if" stakes just got higher. What if COVID hits my city? What if I or someone in my family gets sick? What if someone I know dies from this? What if I'm too scared to go out and get food/supplies? What if I'm too scared to have them delivered to my home (because I feel they're contaminated from the grocery store workers)? What if the schools don't close, how will I send my daughter to school in this everyday? What if the grocery stores run out of food? What if soap, hand sanitizer, disinfectants, gloves, paper towels (all of the supplies that we need everyday with our OCD) eventually run out? The way that people are hoarding those things, that is a real fear. The what-ifs just keep going on and on.
Back to the more hygienic behaviors being practiced now across the world--is that what differentiates rational from irrational behavior? The probability of an event? Maybe some of the fear that we have with our every day OCD isn't all that irrational. Certainly when it comes to the compulsive way we might do our laundry, wearing inside vs. outside clothes, and some of the other compulsions that we carry--yes those probably are irrational. But when it comes to legitimate illness, whether it's COVID-19, Influenza, or the common cold--what exactly constitutes when a person moves from rational to irrational behavior? Germaphobia is a tough one. There is always a threat of being exposed to illness. We also don't have COVID-19 to worry about every day. I'm not really sure there is a real answer for my question above. I think everybody needs to do what they need to do to get through this time. And we all need to look out for each other. There are probably a lot of people really struggling with this right now. I hope that you are all doing okay with all that is going on. I hope you and your loved ones all stay healthy. I hope this is not creating more anxiety in your lives (although I am sure for the vast majority of us, it is). I hope and pray that you will find peace in this situation. Take care of yourselves, and make sure that you do what you need to do for yourselves and your families. Practice self care daily, and please PRAY for our world and country. Pandemics like this can create immense anxiety and depression. We start to feel alone and isolated. We may begin to be consumed with worry. Take time everyday to practice deep breathing and do something that you enjoy--whether it's reading, writing in a journal, baking, listening to music, or watching TV/movies. If anyone needs to talk to, please please send me an e-mail to connectwithmyocdstory@gmail.com. If you are deeply struggling and don't have anyone to talk to about your concerns, I am more than happy to chat with you. I would love to hear from any of you. Is the virus in your community? How is it affecting your daily life? How is it affecting your anxiety or OCD? I will probably be updating my blog more frequently as this situation evolves. Stay well, friends.
To touch on all of the rapidly emerging closings and cancellations across the country: schools, concerts, church, sporting events (basketball, College world series, Masters tournaments), Disneyworld, Disneyland. People being encouraged to work from home if at all possible. Travel bans. There has been word that the summer Olympics maybe postponed as well. Now we are even starting to see movie theaters shut down, as well as gyms and daycares. Restaurants are closing down for dine-in purposes, and people are only being allowed take out. Fast food restaurants are only offering drive thru services. Restaurant delivery services are offering "no contact deliveries" where they will just set your food on your driveway for you. Nursing homes are not allowing any visitors (even family) into their facilities. It seems like the world is slowly shutting down and people are being encouraged to practice social distancing when out in public. The governor of my state has just issued restrictions on all public gatherings be 10 or less people. This means weddings and funerals will be held to this standard. This is so frightening, and so sad. This is enough to evoke fear in anyone! Most of us have never seen anything like this in our lives. I think a lot of this fear generates from the fact that the effects of this new virus are unknown. It is uncertainty to it's highest extent. And what is the thing that amps up our anxiety/OCD....you got it, uncertainty!
I have been reading so many posts/articles on social media, and people's responses are varying in high degrees with their fear regarding this virus. For many people, it is business as usual. Three of my neighbors went on vacations this week, as it is Spring break here for schools this week. Two families traveled by plane. One even went on a cruise! You couldn't even pay me a million dollars right now to get on a plane or cruise ship in light of what is going on. Some people are exercising a rational degree of caution, which I honestly think is the healthiest approach. Not panic buying, but being careful and making preparations. Then there are people who really are making changes (big changes!). One of the news stations in my city posted a question on their Facebook page, asking how the concern over Coronavirus has affected their every day life, and here are some of the comments that people made: I want to go buy bulk in everything I use, I'm pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling them (I saw that multiple times, and trust me I've had that exact thought myself), I'm going to start wiping down my steering wheel, door handles, maybe I should start wiping my phone off when I get home from work, I don't want to eat at restaurants anymore, I'm only stepping out of my house to let my dogs out, I started using sanitizer after I signed for packages delivered to my door, I started washing my hands more. These were all things that people said even before we started having restrictions (which just started over the past week). The thing is that with many of these things, those of us with OCD do them anyway. It is part of our normal routine. We disinfect as we go, we clean, we wipe, we fear that everything is contaminated. The rest of the world is starting to act like we do. And that is scary in a way, because it further escalates the fear that this really is something to panic about! I think pandemics like this can actually cause people to develop OCD. I sure know it did for me. My OCD flipped on to a whole new level with germs when H1N1 came out in 2009. To further illustrate my point, one lady on Facebook said that she had started decontaminating herself after being out in public, since the Coronavirus started. She puts a towel over her carseat, so she doesn't contaminate her carseat. Then she takes it off the seat, brings it inside, strips out of her clothes, keeps everything in the laundry room, and heads straight to the shower. Now, I don't even do that with OCD. But the fear of this virus and the fear or this woman getting it, she developed a ritual that she thought might keep her safe. So, I do think this is OCD possibly developing, and this is really sad. In other ways, to see people's changed behavior--it's almost refreshing?? Is that even the right word? To see other people actually concerned about hygiene, and to feel like I fit in a little bit more, and maybe some of the things I do aren't so irrational to others now. If I wanted to wear a mask in public, I certainly wouldn't be the only one. To see others whipping out their hand sanitizer, Clorox wiping their steering wheels, wiping down their phone. To see restaurants wiping down their menus, their door handles. To see others concerned and wanting to make sure other people stay home when they're sick. To see so much soap being bought, that you know that people actually have to be washing their hands. To see people practicing "social distancing" and learning the importance of staying 6 feet away from other people to help prevent illness. To think that this is a new concept for many people, although for us with OCD it is daily way of life. To see/hear countless reminders about "covering your cough" and feeling hopeful that finally some people are going to understand the importance of this, not just with Coronavirus, but with colds/flu in general. It almost gives me a sense of security in a weird way, knowing that the world is trying to be cleaner, and hoping that maybe, just maybe, these new habits will stick for a lot of people. It's weird to see these behaviors, as they make us more comfortable, and without the Coronavirus (and it's added threats), this is really the kind of ideal clean world we would want to live in. How much easier would it be for us to function in a world where every single person became obsessed with cleanliness? But it would also be a sad world, because then truly everyone would be dealing with OCD, and I would never wish that upon anyone.
One big change that I have noticed is that for the first time really ever with my husband, I have seen him washing his hands more, not wanting to eat out, staying home and not going to events that he normally would. So obviously he is concerned about this. I've tried to explain to him that this is how OCD feels every day in life. Every day for those of us with OCD is a struggle about "what if" something is out there, "what if" something is contaminated, "what if" I come into contact with someone that is sick. But now, with COVID-19 out there, the "what if" stakes just got higher. What if COVID hits my city? What if I or someone in my family gets sick? What if someone I know dies from this? What if I'm too scared to go out and get food/supplies? What if I'm too scared to have them delivered to my home (because I feel they're contaminated from the grocery store workers)? What if the schools don't close, how will I send my daughter to school in this everyday? What if the grocery stores run out of food? What if soap, hand sanitizer, disinfectants, gloves, paper towels (all of the supplies that we need everyday with our OCD) eventually run out? The way that people are hoarding those things, that is a real fear. The what-ifs just keep going on and on.
Back to the more hygienic behaviors being practiced now across the world--is that what differentiates rational from irrational behavior? The probability of an event? Maybe some of the fear that we have with our every day OCD isn't all that irrational. Certainly when it comes to the compulsive way we might do our laundry, wearing inside vs. outside clothes, and some of the other compulsions that we carry--yes those probably are irrational. But when it comes to legitimate illness, whether it's COVID-19, Influenza, or the common cold--what exactly constitutes when a person moves from rational to irrational behavior? Germaphobia is a tough one. There is always a threat of being exposed to illness. We also don't have COVID-19 to worry about every day. I'm not really sure there is a real answer for my question above. I think everybody needs to do what they need to do to get through this time. And we all need to look out for each other. There are probably a lot of people really struggling with this right now. I hope that you are all doing okay with all that is going on. I hope you and your loved ones all stay healthy. I hope this is not creating more anxiety in your lives (although I am sure for the vast majority of us, it is). I hope and pray that you will find peace in this situation. Take care of yourselves, and make sure that you do what you need to do for yourselves and your families. Practice self care daily, and please PRAY for our world and country. Pandemics like this can create immense anxiety and depression. We start to feel alone and isolated. We may begin to be consumed with worry. Take time everyday to practice deep breathing and do something that you enjoy--whether it's reading, writing in a journal, baking, listening to music, or watching TV/movies. If anyone needs to talk to, please please send me an e-mail to connectwithmyocdstory@gmail.com. If you are deeply struggling and don't have anyone to talk to about your concerns, I am more than happy to chat with you. I would love to hear from any of you. Is the virus in your community? How is it affecting your daily life? How is it affecting your anxiety or OCD? I will probably be updating my blog more frequently as this situation evolves. Stay well, friends.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterised by recurring irrational thoughts and feelings that cause repeated behaviours. These are uncontrollable and can thus interfere with and significantly affect the quality of one’s life.- careme health
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