Total Pageviews

Thursday, April 2, 2015

More freedom from OCD!!

          First of all, I just wanted to update on my employment situation.  I submitted the "reasonable accommodation" request to my HR department a little over a week ago, in hopes that I would be allowed to continue to work from home.  I had a telephone meeting with the HR manager yesterday, and she did approve my request.  It will be good for at least a year.  This is great news for me.  I have to remind myself though that this does not mean I can just continue to avoid things for another year.  I genuinely want to keep pushing myself in areas, and this gives me good motivation to do such.  I have done a lot of research on the ADA and the laws that protect those with disabilities.  I am a little concerned that even with this formal accommodation in place, that I am still experiencing some discrimination though.  I am curious if anyone has any insight or thoughts on this.  Although they approved my accommodation request, it was followed up with "we may still schedule other people for hours before you, that can be able to be in the office".  To me, this is discrimination still.  If they are not treating me equally in respect to the other employees with obtaining hours, then they are to some extent "using this against me".  I'm not sure how big of an issue this may become.  I decided not to say anything at this point.  I am just going to be as flexible and cooperative as I can with my hours, but if I start finding myself with minimal hours each week, I want to be prepared on what to say.
        Secondly, I am free from a huge obsession as of about a week ago now!  It feels unbelievable!  I set a goal for myself recently of tackling the indoor plumbing/laundry problem that has been deeply ingrained in my life for 1.5 years now.  In fact, I've had several "rules" to follow regarding laundry during this time.  I've successfully been able to phase most of them out.  I still have a little to work to go, but I would consider my laundry problems to only be mild at this point, compared to debilitating 1.5 years ago.  Here is where I was at, at one point.  I actually was able to face this much better than I had ever hoped for.  My initial goal was to phase this out over a 2 week period, then as I thought about it more, I thought maybe I would just take it REAL slow and have a goal of about 6-8 weeks.  Well, last week I said screw this OCD.  I have been able to wash several loads "normally" and I am going to continue to do so.  So I trucked ahead with this and didn't look back.  I still get weird feelings about it sometimes, but really for the most part it doesn't produce much anxiety for me at all.  It is an incredible feeling of freedom.  It's like my mind was able to go from "there is a chance that toilet water is getting in the machine.  I don't care how much of a chance it is, even if one in a zillion.  I can not tolerate the thought that it could be be possible and I will turn off the toilets every day just to make sure there is no chance this is happening" to......"I really doubt toilet water is going on, I can't believe I have wasted so much of my life doing this for the past 1.5 years".  I am able to wear clothes without them feeling dirty or contaminated or without even any thoughts of toilet water possibly getting on them".  It makes me really think about just how powerful the mind is.  You see, the OCD thinks it is some big bad beast.  It wants to take you down and make you do everything differently than you need to.  But this proved to my OCD that I don't have to listen.  So much wasted time.  I feel freedom in such a big way.  I am happy with myself, I feel like a load has been taken off my chest.  I also feel frustrated and sad that I didn't tackle this sooner.  This was by far the biggest exposures on my hierarchy I have done.  And to go from point A to point B in 2 weeks and really feel no anxiety about it anymore....well, that is called fighting off OCD!!  I'm not going to lie...I still have some laundry rituals...I still separate by "level of contamination" and do far more loads than I need to.  I wash my husbands stuff separately, I do several empty cycles between my husbands loads and my daughter and my stuff.  And I won't use the dryer (because it feels dirty to me after my husbands stuff has been in yet.  Yes...even when his stuff should technically be "clean", it does not feel that way.  But I am amazed at how much I have eliminated, without professional help. 
       I have felt a lot better in general since tackling this too.  Another load off my chest.  My mood has been lighter and I feel happier.  I've been trying to walk our dog daily and getting outside in the sun as much as I can.  I am so excited for spring!  Weather wise, these are my favorite 6 months coming up, April-September.  I am motivated to continue in this fight!!  It feels good :)


  1. So glad your accommodation was approved, and things sound as if they are going well for happy to hear!

  2. Thank you so much, Janet! It is definitely an incredible feeling to win to this monster!!! :)

  3. I have terrible contamination OCD and have many rituals surrounding laundry. Reading your posts about laundry (about a lot of things, in fact) sound so much like me. I am so impressed that you are improving without professional help! My ocd has gotten worse to the point where I had to quit work last week, and I find myself adding new "rules" rather than eliminating them. But I am so happy to hear you are improving. I hope I can win, too! I have never found anyone who has the same type of OCD as me, so reading your blog has helped me not feel so alone.

  4. Dear anonymous, thank you so much for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I am so sorry that you are struggling with OCD too. My laundry rituals have been one of the biggest and problematic areas of my OCD for the last year, so it is interesting to hear that you have issues surrounding that too. I am so sorry that you had to quit work. As I mentioned in my post my work has allowed me to continue to work from home, but if I wasn't granted that accommodation, I don't know that I would be able to work outside the home at this point. I am definitely improving, but I have a long ways to go. I have tried to be motivated and work on this without professional help. I'm sure it would go a lot faster with the support of a therapist, but I feel more comfortable taking things at my own pace. Are you receiving any help or treatment at this time? Can you give me a little more information about what you struggle with, in regards to laundry? I would love to give you some ideas and tricks on what has helped me, in hopes that they might help you too. That is a big reason of why I started this blog is to connect with others, because the truth is there are so many of us with OCD out there. It really helps to read other stories, and connect with them, and find support!!!!

  5. I have OCD and would like to be in contact with you, but would want to be anonymous, can you give me an e-mail address so that I can e-mail you? I''m hoping we can support each other. Feel free to post back with an e-mail and then delete this post...