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Monday, March 9, 2015

Work dilemma

I have been really fortunate to be able to work from home for quite some time.  It started about 9 years ago, when I was working from home partly out of "convenience".  My employer allowed me to work from home 1-2 days a week because my daughter was younger at that time, and it helped with keeping her out of daycare.  I am actually quite surprised, in retrospect, that I was allowed to do this, but I am grateful for this.  When my OCD was at it's worst, about a year ago, I really started working on a self-help ERP program.  I have made a lot of progress during this time, but the truth is it is still affecting me very much.  I also am having a lot of physical problems, which are making it difficult for me to function.  I am sure that both problems feed off each other, but they are both there.  I sometimes think I legitimately have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I have most of the symptoms--severe fatigue where it doesn't how much I sleep at night.  I am always exhausted.  I wake up feeling like I was in a fight overnight.  Half of the time I feel "drugged" or weak, and I am no medications, other than thyroid medication.  I have my thyroid checked regularly and it is always within normal limits.  I have muscle aches and soreness, I have trouble concentrating and remembering things often  I have headaches, nausea, and dizziness.  It does affect my life significantly.  That and of course, the OCD.  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome seems like a "catch all" diagnosis, when nothing else is found, but it's symptoms are real and have a negative impact on quality of life.  But what does all of this have to do with the title of my post--work dilemma?  Well, last summer when things were getting real bad with my OCD and physical symptoms, I started giving all of my available hours only from home.   I only work on a "prn basis"--less than 24 hours/week), so I turn in the hours I am able to work each week.  For the last set of hours I turned in last week, my manager asked when I would be able to start working in the office more again (they know I am having "medical problems" currently, but nothing more than that. When I said I didn't anticipate the ability to do that for another 6 months or so, she referred me onto the HR department, whom presented me with the Americans with Disabilities Act Paperwork.  Now, I face a dilemma.  I am very reluctant to give out my medical diagnosis or any information to my employer.  Looking through the paperwork, it doesn't appear a diagnosis is necessary however.  It seems more that the medical provider just has to agree that I have a medical or physical impairment that affects the ability to do my job, and that I should be allowed to have "reasonable accomodations", which would be working from home.  I would love to hear from anyone who has experience with this.  There is such a stigma with OCD that I don't want to throw it out there.  However I believe that OCD or CFS would qualify me to work from home right now.  There is no way that I can afford not to work right now.  I feel that by working from home, I am still able to make an income and feel that I am contributing to society.  The other problem, is that my primary physician really does not know the extent of my OCD.  I have mentioned to her that I have OCD in the past, but I'm not sure it's even written in my medical record (we have never had more than a very minimal conversation about it).  I'm not sure she would even realize how disabling or severe my OCD is right now.  I do have medical documentation of my OCD from when I saw a psychologist a few years back.  So, she would have to know I am not just making this up.  Who would be able to make this stuff?  Who really would choose to live this way?  I am concerned that she will want me to start seeing a therapist regularly for my OCD if she does sign paperwork to make "accomodations", and the next problem lies in that I just don't have the money right now for OCD treatment, at least not the kind that would actually be life-changing for me.  I've considered leaving the OCD out of the picture and just focusing on the Chronic fatigue, as I think I would qualify with that diagnosis.  Truthfully, I am embarrassed about this, and I just don't know what to do.  It is causing me a lot of stress.  I am approved to work from home (without ADA paperwork) for another 2-3 months, but after that they will not schedule me unless I can come into the office, or if I have the ADA request approved.  I don't want to label myself with a disability either, but I know that OCD is a disability.  It has affected my life so much, and because this disease is so misunderstood--I'm not sure that other people understand just how severe and debilitating it can be.  So the dilemma I face, is do I go the CFS route and then enter in OCD if that doesn't work?  Or am I just outright honest from the beginning?  As I mentioned earlier, financially I just don't have the money for treatment right now.  And if I know this is hanging over me at work, it may give me an extra push to work on some other things.  I realize that any information I give my employer is confidential, but I still have concerns about that too.  What if when they find out I have OCD, they think I am not competent to do my job?  (Even though I get good evaluations on my performance).  What if they end up denying my request, and then I have to find a way to face going into work again (before I'm ready), and on top of that now my HR manager and actual manager both know I have OCD?  I don't know where to go or what to do.  I have an appointment with my primary physician next week, and am hoping for some advice prior to that.  Thanks, friends.

7 comments:

  1. http://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/mental-health-benefits-legal-issues/

    Look at the articles on this page of the International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation website.

    If I remember correctly, OCD is the 10th leading cause of disability, and I challenge you to tell the truth. How is the world going to get over the uneducated position they often hold, unless someone is willing to risk and educate. All of your what if questions are OCD.

    Also, just as an aside, it would be much easier to read your blog, if you separated some parts into paragraphs. Thanks, and good luck. I'll be waiting to hear what you decide. And by all means, share with your doctor the extent of your illness, how else can you get better? Are you willing to take a medication that could help you? Suffering in silence is not helping.

    There are on line programs for ERP and some excellent self help books, so financial concerns should not be a priority. What needs to be a priority is you getting well! Take care of yourself, and above all, get ERP,. both for your sake and your daughter's. God bless.Carol

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    1. Thanks for your comment, Carol. I did go ahead and discuss things with my doctor and just posted an update about that today. I am doing some self-help exposure therapy right now and have read many books on OCD, but I appreciate the suggestion. Sorry about the paragraph format---usually I try to be better about that with my posts, but this particular post was a big "venting" session for me, so I kind of just laid it out there quick!! :) Thanks for reading!

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  2. So sorry for your dilemma. I don't really have much to add as I've not had this issue.

    You know, I wonder if you could call an employment attorney? I've actually had a couple quick consultations with two different attorneys over the phone before and they never changed me cause I was just asking a few basic questions. Who knows what you might learn?

    I do just want to correct the statistics on OCD and disability - actually it was always listed as the 11th leading cause of disability by WHO, but for some reason it seems like it got mis-quoted (and reprinted and reprinted - even by some legit organizations!) as the 10th. Not a huge difference, but I felt it was worth noting. I researched this issue myself because I always had trouble tracking down the original source for that statistic and I can always only find the 11th place statistic from WHO. From what I can tell, the World Health Organization has recently changed its criteria and and now all anxiety disorders are listed as one lump sum, and as a group, they are the 6th most disabling illness. And that's pretty huge. I have also known others with OCD who got on disability, so it's definitely a legit diagnosis for disability.

    Good luck with this. I know this must be a difficult place to be in.

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    1. Thanks, Sunny! I called the Job Accommodation Network before I turned my paperwork in, just so I could be as educated as possible about the law and what it entails. I definitely don't want to be on disability in general, but the ADA does recognize OCD usually as a disability under their definition. Check it out sometime if you can! I posted an update today and have the link to that information in that! I have been reading your recent posts and am thinking about you too...I truly hope things are better for you and that you are finding things headed in the right direction again. I know so well what it is to be in that place, too. Hugs...

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    2. **what I mean is a disability in the world of employment!

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  3. I think if you ask ten different people what to do you might get ten different answers. I think you need to do what is most comfortable for you. If your goal is to just be able to continue to work from home, what are your best chances of doing that? As you say, you need a doctor to sign off that you have a debilitating illness, whether it be CFS or OCD or whatever. I think if it were me I would be honest that I have a diagnosis of OCD. I find people generally react more positively than we expect them to, but if you're not comfortable with that you should not feel forced. Good luck and maybe meeting with your PCP will help steer you toward the right answer for you.

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    1. Thanks! I did end up talking with my PCP and am submitting the paperwork to my employer today. I just updated on my blog about this, and a negative experience I had discussing OCD with my doctor. I really appreciate your input though and I did refer back to your blog in my post today! Thanks!

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